Freshmen move in

Seriously these past few days have been an eye opener to how nasty my heart is! My heart is so dang prideful!! For the people that know that, they are probably agreeing at this very moment. But last night something so simple happened in front of me. The situations showed me my sin in a different way then ever before (or maybe in the same way but every other time I over looked it).
Freshmen move in day was yesterday. Which meant that we could help people move in, tell them a little about the campus, pretty much hint around for their phone numbers so that we can later stalk them and share with the the Gospel haha, and invite them to hang out with us. The place that we were all going to be hanging out was the practice soccer field to play ultimate frisbee. A quick update aside from the frisbee...two weeks ago I was being stupid and separated my AC from my clavicle. Which means I should not have been moving people in (which really I didn't do much carrying things because Ashley Adams and I made sure we had a chance to talk to people) or playing frisbee. But because I am so prideful and my heart wants to be the strongest (aka wanting to carrying a freaking refrigerator) or the best (aka making awesome plays in a PICK UP GAME OF FRISBEE), I played frisbee. The great thing about this day was that the LORD pointed out girls for us to talk to.
So, we invited the people to come and a lot of people showed up. As a few girls and I were walking from the parking lot to the playing field we noticed that three girls looked lost. Well, of course, they were freshies. We invited them to play. After playing for a little bit the girls wanted to leave so I had to make sure I got their numbers...my friend whitney and I were getting their numbers when we both turn around at the same time. As we were turning around we noticed that two people were running full spead ahead at each other. There was no time to yell watch out before they collided. This is when God started showing me how dirty my heart is. One of the people that was in that accident was a girl and the other was a boy. The girl immediately reached out to help the boy quickly saying sorry for what she had done....UMM I am sorry what had she done wrong at this point?? Her heart was so genuine. Then she realized she was bleeding. It was not just a scratch people, her head was gushing blood. After she noticed she was bleeding pretty badly she asked us to call her roommate who would gladly take her to the hospital so we didn't have to go out of our way, again saying she was sorry. I am still curious as to what she did wrong lol. We called her roommate but did not wait for her to come. We asked her to simply meet us at the hospital with all her ID. The girl called her parents and calmly told them what was going on and what they needed to do. This sweet girl had blood all over her face and on me and Whitney at this point, yet did not get upset at all. She even asked us to take pictures so she could see them later. After we get to the hospital and her roommate gets there Whitney and I give them time to talk for a minute. We look back to see them praying...why had we not thought to do that? The girl was so nice to everyone. She made casuel conversations with everyone making them feel good about themselves. She even asked us if she could pray for us?? Hmmm she is getting her face stitch up and she wants to pray for us?? We quickly said thanks but could we maybe just pray for you since you are the one in the hospital.
She also did not stop asking about how the boy was (who by the way lost a tooth). It really did show me that I need to stop being so fixated on Nicole. I always think about me and what I want. Am I going to be OK or am I going to enjoy something. I need to stop pushing myself to be the strongest or the best and just be content in who Christ has made me to be. Instead of bragging because of those things (which will never satisfy me) brag about what Christ did for all of us. What an eye opener...PTL

Memories

Having a house in the woods is relaxing. I have had a week and one day since I moved into my new house (aka the barn). I have enjoyed getting time around my new roommates and visitors. Today has been one of those days where you just want to sit and think/sleep. I have been able to reflect a lot on my life today. I am so thankful that the LORD has chosen me. I am so unworthy and undeserving yet he wants me. I have been thinking about where I would have been if I would have continued down the road I was on...and quite frankly it is a scary thought. I have experienced so much, loved so many people, been loved by so many people, enjoyed so much, hated so much, been caught and gotten away with doing things I should not have done, encouraged and been encouraged by others, and been blessed with more than anyone could ask for. Today I really have thought about the people that have been in my life. It is so sad to look back and think about those people and realize that you do not know them anymore. Most people call this growing up but, to me, it is moving on. Was I really that blinded and in denial of how people really were, was I that same way? In my home town there are almost no girls my age who are not mothers with no father figure for their babies, addicted to drugs, high school graduates who are jobless and living at home with no other desire for their future, or lesbians. Now, my point in saying that is not to judge (although my sin is that at some point I do judge), my point is that I could have been right there. They are still there. So, I have moved on? WHY!!! They are lives too. They are lives that if they don't hear about the LORD they are going to be in Hell. Instead of wanting more for them, I put myself above them because I think they are too far gone. When really, I should have been too far gone. But, Jesus did not give up on me. There were people that really loved me. How would have done anything for me. Have I kept in touch with them? Some of them. Or what about the people who seem to be doing alright? Do I think that since they are good people they must know God? I do. I assume that since they seem to care about others and strive to live a life worth imitating they must be Christians. Who am I to think I can know their hearts. I am being a chicken and taking the easy way out instead of asking how their relationship or lack of relationship with our creator looks like. I love to share...why is it hard for me to share with people from my past. Especially, when I have not been in their lives for a while. Do I secretly care what they think of me? You bet! These are the people that have seen me at my worst and best. They have seen me play the role of a good girl while living a secret life.
I don't want to just give up on the people from my past. I don't want to act or think that I am better than anyone, I know I am not. I do not at all want to forget where I have been! I once cared a whole lot for many people that I have ignored out of fear that they will reject the truth...when I could be used to share so they know they have the option of rejecting or accepting. I want to be so raw with these people that I would not be ashamed to admit my flaws and my mistakes. I want to be able to show them through those mistakes there is a thing called grace. Who knows what is going to happen with these people. All I know is that my eyes are definitely opened to how I live my life selfishly. I am able to relax and rest in the promise of eternal life. Sharing that promise is how I want to live my life. Thank goodness for change and for a new place to live...today has been a huge eye opener.